Yo whattup, this is actually my first topic in this forum and i thought some people might enjoy this post i came across at freestylesession.com Aight then, peace!
Funny Weird Sex Moves
Tea bag - As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your scrotum in and out of her mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot water. An old favorite.
Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you @#%$ on her chest. (a.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her @#%$ tightens up.
Golden Shower - Any form of peeing on a girl. (aka: watersports)
Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl, it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty skank and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore, you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of this situation. Can be very painful.
Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.
The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl. Strictly a class move.
Double Fishhook - From the doggy - style position, you hook your pinky fingers in her mouth and pull back to achieve deeper penetration.
The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Dog in a Bathtub - This is the proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits as tightly as possible and yell another girl's name. This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
Pink Glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her the money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)
New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down on her, you puke on her box. Happy trails!
Dirty Sanchez - While banging a girl doggy style, quickly stick 2 fingers deep into her starfish, then reach around and wipe the residue on her upper lip, providing her a mustache.
Western Grip - When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use; hence, western.
The Blumpkin - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her suck you off while you're on the shitter.
The Bismark - Another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about to spew, pull out and shoot all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and jism together.
Jelly Doughnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.
Woody Woodpecker - While a chick is sucking on your balls, repeatedly tap the head of your @#%$ on her forehead.
Tossing salad - Well known by now. A prison act where one person is forced to chow starfish with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. Jello, jism, etc
The Fish Eye - Working from behind, you shove your finger in her pooper. Thereupon, she turns around in a one - eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick, lapping away, and you discover that it's her time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
The Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty Zena who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat. You punch her.
The Chili Dog - You take a dump on the girl's chest and then titty @#%$ her.
Gaylord Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle - ball pitcher proud and use multiple digits on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
The Rear Admiral - An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (with both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that the momentum pushes her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table, or have her trip and fall on her face. You attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over the skank's face and taking a dump.
Ray Bans - Put your nuts over her eye sockets while getting head. You're can is on her forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try.
The Snowmobile - When plugging a girl while she's on all fours, reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
The Dutch Oven - Also well known. Whenever you fart while humping, pull the covers over her head. Don't let her out until all movement ceases.
Smoking Pole - Self Explanatory. Don't use fire.
Rusty Trombone - Getting the reacharound while getting your salad tossed. Also known as milking the prostate.
Turkey Shoot - When you're coming, come on her face and let it drip off her chin so it looks like that red @#%$ on the turkey's chin.
Stovepiping - Taking it in the Tush.
Rusty Anchor - After a healthy term of the Stovepiping, the recipient gets to enjoy a good fudgesicle.
Sandpiper - A stovepiping on the local beach, desert, or playground sandbox. Also known as the Sandblast.
Lucky Pierre - the middle man in a three way buttfuck.
Also known as the french sandwich.
Divortex - A mystical place into which old friends are sucked when a married couple splits up.
Blump - To suck someone's dick while they are taking a dump.
Bustard - A very rude bus driver.
Cold Faithful - Blowing your visibly - steaming load outside in the winter - time, like when you get your @#%$ sucked on a ski - lift.
Grand pappy smash - To beat your meat so hardcore that it starts to chafe and bleed.
Esplanade - To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Flatulence - The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Butt Rodeo - When you're going at it with a girl, you flip her over real fast, start ramming her in the ass and yell as loud as possible "BUTT RODEO!" You then see how long you can ride her till she tosses ya off!
Bargoyle - The hideous old hair - spray hag who seems to live at your local watering hole. She usually smokes endlessly, spends hundreds of dollars a night on video - poker, and makes sexually threatening comments to frightened college freshmen.
Pasteurize - Once you get her hairy bush pasteurize, you got it licked!
Beerelevant - A point which does not seem to be particularly important, given enough beer
Mangry - Describing the anger of women who are angry at men, specifically. "She's such a bitch, she's just plain mangry."
Clitourist - A man who won't stop and ask for directions in bed. ie: "Because of his fouled foreplay, Suzy realized that her new boyfriend was no experienced bedroom traveler, but merely a clitourist."
Stuffucking - The act of "stuffing in" your limp, helpless member in hopes of getting it up. Potential causes: you're too drunk or she's too ugly. (see also; Fugly)
Antlers - Wide, flat, flapjack titties that come to a sharp point at the nipples.
The Zombie Mask While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash - barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
The Flaming Amazon - This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then extinguish the flames with your jizz!
The Screwnicorn - When a dyke puts her strap - on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
Split pissonality - When you're taking a leak and you get two streams out of the one hole!
A Short in the Cord - A "code" phrase used by the common man to refer to Testicular Tendon Tangle Syndrome. Ex. "Oh @#%$! My nuts are killing me... I think I've got a short in the cord."
Old Jism Trail - The stream of semen oozing down the chin and chest of someone who has just finished fellating a senior citizen.
Abdicate - To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Lymph - To walk with a lisp.
Anal Boot - An anal boot is when you take a pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with their @#%$ and then the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or drinking game.
Australian Death Grip - The act of grabbing a woman by the haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great opportunity for wagering among friends.
Fumilingus - When a man (or woman) performs
cunnilingus on a woman and she farts directly in his/her face.
Intoxicourse - Having sexual intercourse whilst piss - drunk.
Valsalva - The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be going forward.
Insta - gasm - Pre - mature ejaculation at the sight of a beautiful woman. ie: "She was so fine, I had an insta - gasm before I could get her clothes off!"
Manual Deconstipation - This is where you get out the hand cream and go in manually for the hammerhead by breaking it into smaller chunks and pulling it out a piece at a time.
Post Poodum Syndrome - The feeling of depression felt after successful removal of a hammerhead. The excitement has passed, and you must now find something else to occupy your time.
The Homolic Maneuver - Using your penis to dislodge an object blocking a choking victim's windpipe.
The Houdini - Going at it doggy style until you are just about to come, then pull out and spit hard, but quietly, on her back so she thinks that you have come. When she turns around unleash a blast into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering at what a great guy you are, and how you managed it.
The Angry Dragon - Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon. The harder you laugh, the angrier she'll look. Magic.
Cum Guzzling Sperim Burping Coke Drinking Bitch - The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to force a large cold bottle of Coke into her mouth. Shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress any friends in the room.
Errol Flynn (Much Like Dirty Sanchez) - A time honoured event in which, while laying the bone doggy - style, you insert your finger into her @#%$. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a thin @#%$ moustache. At the same time pull her hair back from her forehead. This makes her look like Errol Flynn.
The Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass and then punch her hard in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will make her arc her back and tense her arse muscles, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
Funny Weird Sex Moves
Tea bag - As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your scrotum in and out of her mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot water. An old favorite.
Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you @#%$ on her chest. (a.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her @#%$ tightens up.
Golden Shower - Any form of peeing on a girl. (aka: watersports)
Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl, it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty skank and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore, you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of this situation. Can be very painful.
Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.
The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl. Strictly a class move.
Double Fishhook - From the doggy - style position, you hook your pinky fingers in her mouth and pull back to achieve deeper penetration.
The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Dog in a Bathtub - This is the proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits as tightly as possible and yell another girl's name. This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
Pink Glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her the money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)
New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down on her, you puke on her box. Happy trails!
Dirty Sanchez - While banging a girl doggy style, quickly stick 2 fingers deep into her starfish, then reach around and wipe the residue on her upper lip, providing her a mustache.
Western Grip - When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use; hence, western.
The Blumpkin - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her suck you off while you're on the shitter.
The Bismark - Another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about to spew, pull out and shoot all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and jism together.
Jelly Doughnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.
Woody Woodpecker - While a chick is sucking on your balls, repeatedly tap the head of your @#%$ on her forehead.
Tossing salad - Well known by now. A prison act where one person is forced to chow starfish with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. Jello, jism, etc
The Fish Eye - Working from behind, you shove your finger in her pooper. Thereupon, she turns around in a one - eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick, lapping away, and you discover that it's her time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
The Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty Zena who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat. You punch her.
The Chili Dog - You take a dump on the girl's chest and then titty @#%$ her.
Gaylord Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle - ball pitcher proud and use multiple digits on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
The Rear Admiral - An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (with both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that the momentum pushes her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table, or have her trip and fall on her face. You attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over the skank's face and taking a dump.
Ray Bans - Put your nuts over her eye sockets while getting head. You're can is on her forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try.
The Snowmobile - When plugging a girl while she's on all fours, reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
The Dutch Oven - Also well known. Whenever you fart while humping, pull the covers over her head. Don't let her out until all movement ceases.
Smoking Pole - Self Explanatory. Don't use fire.
Rusty Trombone - Getting the reacharound while getting your salad tossed. Also known as milking the prostate.
Turkey Shoot - When you're coming, come on her face and let it drip off her chin so it looks like that red @#%$ on the turkey's chin.
Stovepiping - Taking it in the Tush.
Rusty Anchor - After a healthy term of the Stovepiping, the recipient gets to enjoy a good fudgesicle.
Sandpiper - A stovepiping on the local beach, desert, or playground sandbox. Also known as the Sandblast.
Lucky Pierre - the middle man in a three way buttfuck.
Also known as the french sandwich.
Divortex - A mystical place into which old friends are sucked when a married couple splits up.
Blump - To suck someone's dick while they are taking a dump.
Bustard - A very rude bus driver.
Cold Faithful - Blowing your visibly - steaming load outside in the winter - time, like when you get your @#%$ sucked on a ski - lift.
Grand pappy smash - To beat your meat so hardcore that it starts to chafe and bleed.
Esplanade - To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Flatulence - The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Butt Rodeo - When you're going at it with a girl, you flip her over real fast, start ramming her in the ass and yell as loud as possible "BUTT RODEO!" You then see how long you can ride her till she tosses ya off!
Bargoyle - The hideous old hair - spray hag who seems to live at your local watering hole. She usually smokes endlessly, spends hundreds of dollars a night on video - poker, and makes sexually threatening comments to frightened college freshmen.
Pasteurize - Once you get her hairy bush pasteurize, you got it licked!
Beerelevant - A point which does not seem to be particularly important, given enough beer
Mangry - Describing the anger of women who are angry at men, specifically. "She's such a bitch, she's just plain mangry."
Clitourist - A man who won't stop and ask for directions in bed. ie: "Because of his fouled foreplay, Suzy realized that her new boyfriend was no experienced bedroom traveler, but merely a clitourist."
Stuffucking - The act of "stuffing in" your limp, helpless member in hopes of getting it up. Potential causes: you're too drunk or she's too ugly. (see also; Fugly)
Antlers - Wide, flat, flapjack titties that come to a sharp point at the nipples.
The Zombie Mask While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash - barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
The Flaming Amazon - This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then extinguish the flames with your jizz!
The Screwnicorn - When a dyke puts her strap - on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
Split pissonality - When you're taking a leak and you get two streams out of the one hole!
A Short in the Cord - A "code" phrase used by the common man to refer to Testicular Tendon Tangle Syndrome. Ex. "Oh @#%$! My nuts are killing me... I think I've got a short in the cord."
Old Jism Trail - The stream of semen oozing down the chin and chest of someone who has just finished fellating a senior citizen.
Abdicate - To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Lymph - To walk with a lisp.
Anal Boot - An anal boot is when you take a pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with their @#%$ and then the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or drinking game.
Australian Death Grip - The act of grabbing a woman by the haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great opportunity for wagering among friends.
Fumilingus - When a man (or woman) performs
cunnilingus on a woman and she farts directly in his/her face.
Intoxicourse - Having sexual intercourse whilst piss - drunk.
Valsalva - The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be going forward.
Insta - gasm - Pre - mature ejaculation at the sight of a beautiful woman. ie: "She was so fine, I had an insta - gasm before I could get her clothes off!"
Manual Deconstipation - This is where you get out the hand cream and go in manually for the hammerhead by breaking it into smaller chunks and pulling it out a piece at a time.
Post Poodum Syndrome - The feeling of depression felt after successful removal of a hammerhead. The excitement has passed, and you must now find something else to occupy your time.
The Homolic Maneuver - Using your penis to dislodge an object blocking a choking victim's windpipe.
The Houdini - Going at it doggy style until you are just about to come, then pull out and spit hard, but quietly, on her back so she thinks that you have come. When she turns around unleash a blast into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering at what a great guy you are, and how you managed it.
The Angry Dragon - Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon. The harder you laugh, the angrier she'll look. Magic.
Cum Guzzling Sperim Burping Coke Drinking Bitch - The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to force a large cold bottle of Coke into her mouth. Shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress any friends in the room.
Errol Flynn (Much Like Dirty Sanchez) - A time honoured event in which, while laying the bone doggy - style, you insert your finger into her @#%$. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a thin @#%$ moustache. At the same time pull her hair back from her forehead. This makes her look like Errol Flynn.
The Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass and then punch her hard in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will make her arc her back and tense her arse muscles, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
